I like having something to read with my breakfast so I started to flick through it. There was a rather large ad on the back page (so a good, prominent position that most likely cost quite a bit) and the heading read:

“Wedding Video’s.”

Oh dear. Not a good start. Misplaced apostrophes are my bugbear and for the life of me, I don’t understand why anyone thinks it’s correct to use one in a plural. Reading further down the ad, I came across:

“Children’s Party’s”.

Breakfast now totally ruined, and indigestion setting in, I decided to write about apostrophe abuse again.

OK. Apostrophes have two main uses:

1) To show a letter or letters have been left out of a word (contraction).

2) To show belonging (possessive).

Contractions

Some examples:

I just can’t do this. (I just cannot do this).

Customers don’t like misplaced apostrophes. (Customers do not like misplaced apostrophes).

John won’t be going to the meeting next week. (John will not be going to the meeting next week).

I wouldn’t put that apostrophe there if I were you. (I would not put that apostrophe there if I were you)

She couldn’t have tried any harder. (She could not have tried any harder).

I wrote about contractions not long ago.  I know some people don’t like them but trust me, they do make copy easier and more pleasant to read.

Without contractions, copy sounds pompous, formal, and very robotic.

Belonging

Elaine’s book is over there on the shelf (the book belonging to Elaine).

The cat’s basket is next to the fire (the basket belonging to the cat).

Brand names of course are a law unto themselves:

Harrods

Boots

It gets a little more complicated if you have a word that already ends in ‘s’, but only a little. Take this for instance:

Thomas’s drink.

You still have to use the apostrophe followed by ‘s’. So,

Chris’s bicycle.

James’s camera.

But this is English, so naturally there are exceptions. However, it’s unlikely these two will crop up in your business writing:

Jesus’ disciples

Archimedes’ screw

Here are some examples of place names:

St James’s Park

St Thomas’s Road

And a tricky one:

Guy’s and St Thomas’ Hospital NHS Trust.

Plurals

With plurals, the apostrophe goes after the final ‘s’. So:

The teams’ colours clashed. (The colours of multiple teams clashed).

The books’ covers were damaged in the flood. (The covers of multiple books were damaged).

OK. That’s straightforward but what about words that are already plural? Children, men, women, people for instance.

Well again, it’s not difficult. Each word is a collective noun so you treat it as singular. The apostrophe goes after the last letter and before the ‘s’. Some examples:

The children’s shoes.

The men’s shoe department.

The women’s dress collection.

The people’s vote.

It’s or its?

This always causes problems, and yes it’s confusing when I’ve just told you that apostrophes show that something belongs. However, now I’m going to tell you that this particular possessive doesn’t take an apostrophe.

It’s quite easy once you remember that.

Use it’s if you are replacing a word e.g. it is.

Use its if there is no word to replace e.g.

The cat sat on its mat.

So – the dog sleeps in its (belonging to the dog) kennel. It’s (it is) kept outside. (How jolly mean!)

Incorrect use of apostrophes

Here’s what triggered this post: apostrophes used when the word is simply plural:

Tomatoe’s

Pizza’s

Greeting’s cards

CD’s

DVD’s

1980’s (unless you mean something that belongs to the 1980s, like shoulder pads and black ash furniture, or if you’re American.)

However there are times when it’s correct and useful to use an apostrophe in a plural:

Mind your p’s and q’s

How many s’s are there in Mississippi?

Don’t litter your writing with e.g.’s and i.e.’s

In the last three examples, the apostrophe gives clarity.

Of course there are exceptions – this is English after all. However, I hope this article helps.

I found myself very much over-reacting to his over-use of quote marks. He’s wrapped them around anything and everything. On one page alone there are nine instances of totally unnecessary inverted commas. And the very fact I’ve bothered to count them shows I’m over-reacting, and that these seemingly innocuous little punctuation marks are indeed controlling me.

I find them distracting. They force me to pause and emphasise the framed word in a particular way and with a very particular voice in my head that I heartily dislike. So that (and counting the marks) means my productivity is slowed right down: the total opposite of the book’s point.

So when and where should quotation marks be used?

When to use quotation marks

Quote marks, also known as speech marks and inverted commas are used around:

• direct speech
• titles of books, chapters in books, magazine articles, films, TV and radio programmes etc
• an unfamiliar word or phrase, or one that’s used in a technical context – as if you were highlighting it. However, you only need to do that once to introduce it.

They are not used around colloquial or slang words and phrases. According to the Oxford English Style Guide that would be like using them to replace a ‘rather sniffy so called’. This is the example it gives:

“They have cut down the trees in the interest of ‘progress’.”  But I also think they are used as a replacement for ‘so called’ in lots of other, less sniffy instances, and it’s that usage that really irritates me as you’ll find out later in this post. If you choose to read on of course!

Which type should you use?

There are two types of quotation marks: single and double.

The Oxford English Style Guide says that British practice is to enclose quoted matter between single quotation marks, and to use double marks for a quotation within a quotation.

It goes on to say that this style is preferred in academic books but is reversed in newspapers and in the US. I must admit I prefer to use double quotes for anything I quote from a book and single marks for anything quoted within that.

While either is correct you must use whichever style you choose consistently.

Here are some examples.

Direct speech

“Too many quotation marks make my eyes spin and my head ache,” said Elaine in an irritated, irrational kind of way.

You could write that statement indirectly without the quotation marks, like this:

Elaine said that too many quotation marks make her eyes spin and her head ache.

Titles

‘Wind in the Willows’ by Kenneth Grahame is one of my favourite books (it’s just gorgeous. Give yourself a treat and dig it out if you haven’t read it in a while).

I can’t wait for the next series of ‘Spooks’ (but if they kill-off Lucas, I’ll never watch it again).

For quotations

If you are quoting something from a book or other source, you need to put inverted commas around the quote. You should also name the source.

“Though it was past ten o’clock at nigh, the sky still clung to and retained some lingering skirts of light from the departed day; and the sullen heats of the torrid afternoon broke up and rolled away at the dispersing touch of the cool fingers of the short midsummer night.” (Chapter 7, ‘Wind in the Willows’ by Kenneth Grahame).

How not to use quotation marks

Now this is usage that really gets to me.

(My inverted commas are in red and I’ll tell you why I’ve used them in a minute).

“Even those who are not consciously “stressed out” will invariably experience greater relaxation, better focus, and increased productive energy when they learn more effectively to control the “open loops” of their lives.”

Using quote marks around words like this means they are implied or a concept. Imagine the phrase ‘so called’ in front of each of them. Now imagine reading so called in front of nine words or phrases on a single page!

In the above example there is no reason to use quotes around ‘stressed out’ as it’s a well-known and accepted phrase.

The inverted commas around ‘open loops’ are valid at this point because the author is introducing it as a concept. However, once he’s introduced it, he should ditch the quote marks. He doesn’t.

Here’s another example (and a very pertinent one at that!):

“What most “bugs” you, distracts you… or in some other way consumes a large part of your conscious attention?” (mmm, let me think).

Again, there’s no reason to wrap the word ‘bugs’ in quotes. So why have I done that in the last sentence and around so called and open loops earlier? And why have I used double quotes around the two examples I’ve given you?

My double inverted commas show that I’ve lifted the quote from a book. They’re not my own words. I should also tell you the name of the book and its author, but since I’m criticising him, I’m not going to – sorry.

The quotes around so called and bugs avoid confusion by separating them in the sentence. I’m highlighting them, if you like, as the reason for having them in the sentence may otherwise be lost.  An alternative is to put them in italics, as I’ve done here.

I suppose ironically, (and yes it really is ironic) although the plague of inverted commas in my be more productive book distracted me, ultimately they have made me more productive. After all, they did prompt to write this blog post.

“It’s like rain on your wedding day

It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid

It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take

And isn’t it ironic … don’t you think?”

Well, no actually I don’t. Bad luck – yes. Ironic – no. So when should you use the word ironic?

But Alanis Morissette isn’t the only person to have misused the word ironic. She just did it very publically and loudly in her famous song. Misuse of irony and ironic happens all the time.

It’s a favourite of football commentators most weeks as they describe things on the pitch that are simply coincidences or not even that. Take this for example. ‘Carlos Tevez struggled to score for Manchester United. So it’s ironic he’s just scored two against them wearing a Manchester City shirt.’ Not ironic at all. Just very, very annoying. Sorry if you hate football, but you get my point.

So when and how should we use ironic?

Here’s a nice simple definition of irony from the Penguin English Pocket Dictionary (which, ironically, is too large to fit into a pocket):

Meaning one: the humorous use of words to express a meaning opposite to their literal meaning. This definition is the favourite of satirists of course.

Meaning two: incongruity between actual and the expected results of a particular event or course of action.

So, let’s say my next newsletter is all about the importance of getting your newsletter out regularly, and by the date you’ve stated. Then I don’t send out another issue for three months. That would be ironic. And very bad practice of course.

Here’s another example of irony. Some friends of ours moved house recently. The van they hired from the, as it turns out, dodgy local van hire firm broke down in a blizzard. They waited hours for a rescue truck, freezing cold with nothing to read to while away the time. And packed away in boxes in the back? Loads of insulation material and their book collection.

The final example involves the same friends. They finally got to their new home and plugged in their TV. They’ve never been able to get Channel Five on this particular TV. In this house they can’t get any channel except… yep you’ve guessed – Channel Five!

• it’s instead of it is
• you’ve rather than you have
• we’ve instead of we have

People seem to think they are a bit slangy and must be avoided at all costs. However, using it’s instead of it is doesn’t make you look sloppy: quite the opposite in fact. Contractions help to make your copy more engaging AND easier to read.

Don’t believe me? Well take a look at these examples. The first is taken from one of my own website pages. I wanted the copy to reflect my personality and to read more like a conversation than a missive. Here it is without contractions:

Here is what I can do for you.

I have written for a wide range of formats and audiences.

As well as creating copy from scratch, I am also happy to work with existing copy that is not quite saying what you want. Perhaps you get copy that has been translated from another language: I can make sure it works for you.

I have worked direct with clients, and with marketing and PR agencies.

But perhaps as important as the above, I have been the client.

Stuffy, formal, and boring. Not how I want to come across. Here’s how it actually appears on the site:

Here’s what I can do for you.

I’ve written for a wide range of formats and audiences.

As well as creating copy from scratch, I’m also happy to work with existing copy that isn’t quite saying what you want. Perhaps you get copy that’s been translated from another language: I can make sure it works for you.

I’ve worked direct with clients, and with marketing and PR agencies.

But perhaps as important as the above, I’ve been the client.

Just using a simple apostrophe to replace some of the words injects a bit of life into it. It lifts the copy, makes it flow better, and it sounds more natural.

OK, so what if you are writing on behalf of an organisation about something a little more serious? What if you identify that your audience is very senior and perhaps older? You still don’t have to succumb to stiff, stilted writing to get them to read it.

Most of our marketing communications – websites, newsletters, brochures, or reports – land on the desk of very busy people. Presumably we want them to be read. That means we have to make it easy to read in a hurry. And contractions help that along.

I’m not suggesting you should use them exclusively – variety helps to make copy interesting. But reading copy devoid of any contractions is like wading through a muddy field in Doc Martens that are already caked in mud (and imagine you’re trying to flee from a herd of angry-looking cows … but that’s another story).

Here’s another example. It’s from a newsletter I’ve just written for a not for profit organisation. The newsletter’s main audience is supporters and customers of the organisation’s charity shops. However it will also go to senior executives in business and local government. They want the newsletter to get across important and serious messages, but they also want it to be engaging. And to be read.

This article is about how they are investigating setting up a credit union to help low-income families:

It’s a big issue for us so we’ve been investigating the idea of setting up a credit union in the boroughs. We’ve funded a feasibility study to gauge interest.

Here it is without the contractions:

It is a big issue for us so we have been investigating the idea of setting up a credit union in the boroughs. We have funded a feasibility study to gauge interest.

The second version sounds unnatural and affected, and pretty much as you would expect from such an organisation. However, the original version with contractions is punchier and far less turgid.

Contractions are even more important in direct or reported speech. Here’s a quote in the same newsletter. The article is about the book basement in one of the charity shops and the quote is from the shop manager:

“It’s run entirely by volunteers, one of whom has worked in books all her life. She’s categorised everything to make browsing really easy”.

And here it is without contractions:

“It is run entirely by volunteers one of whom has worked in books all her life. She has categorised everything to make browsing really easy”.

We simply don’t speak like that. If we did we would sound like robots or aliens out of Star Trek or Doctor Who.

According to a post on Roy Jacobsen’s blog ‘Writing, Clear and Simple‘, Rudolf Flesch, author, readability expert and writing consultant, was a big fan. Flesch created the Flesch Reading Ease test and was co-creator of the Flesch-Kincaid readability test.

So it’s safe to assume Rudolf knows a little bit about readability. This is what he wrote in his 1966 book -The ABC of Style:

“…the more contractions you use, the more your writing will resemble idiomatic, spoken English. In fact, the spelling out of usually contracted words is sometimes downright unidiomatic and wrong.”

Roy also quotes William Zinsser, author of On Writing Well, on the subject:

“Your style will be warmer and truer to your personality if you use contractions like “I’ll” and “won’t” and “can’t” when they fit comfortably into what you’re writing. “I’ll be glad to see them if they don’t get mad” is less stiff than “I will be glad to see them if they do not get mad.” (Read that aloud and hear how stilted it sounds.) There’s no rule against such informality-trust your ear and your instincts.”

I like Zinsser’s advice on reading your copy out loud. It’s always a good idea anyway as it gives you a sense of how it will sound to your audience.

And on another point, it’s something that Rona Wheeldon of The Organised PA recommends as a good proof-reading technique. Rona has proofread this newsletter by the way.

As with everything you write (unless it’s a highly personal diary), you need to think about your audience. What impression will they get about you, your company, products or services, from your writing?

If you want to come across all Vulcan-like then avoid contractions. If you want to sound human and approachable, give them a go.

A stroppy, bored teenager may use the one word version of ‘whatever’ (emphasis on ever for maximum effect of course!) as a retort to a weary parent. Whereas the weary parent may well ask ‘what ever did happen to our sweet, angelic little child?’  I’ll explain the differences later.

I’ve put together a list of words that seem to cause most confusion. It’s by no means exhaustive but I hope you’ll find it useful.

All together now

Altogether means completely or entirely. Example: ‘I’m not altogether sure whether it’s one word or two.’

All together means as a group. Example: ‘All together now, repeat after me.’

Anyone and everyone

Anyone  – any person.  Example: “Does anyone know the answer?”

Any one – use when each word retains its meaning.  Example: Any one of these things will do.

Everyone – every person. Example: “everyone loves Man United” (OK, OK I know that’s not true but you get my drift and it gives me an excuse to use a photo of Old Trafford. Sort of.)

Every one – when each word retains its meaning. Example: “every one of you arrived early.”

Anybody, everybody and somebody

Anybody – any person. Example: “Does anybody know the answer?”

Any body – any group of people – an association or society for example.

Everybody – every person.  Example: “Everybody played really well.”

Every body – when each word retains its meaning. Example: “Every body needs food to grow.” Not a great example, but then you probably wouldn’t use the two word version very often.

Everyday

Everyday – adjective that means ordinary as in ‘always use everyday words in your writing.’

Every day  – something that happens each day.

For ever and forever

For ever – means for eternity as in ‘I’ll love you for ever‘ (aw!).

Forever – means continually as in ‘I’m forever getting for ever and forever mixed up.’

Near by or nearby

This is a UK/US English thing.

In UK English we distinguish between using near by as an adverb and nearby as an adjective.  Like this:

‘There were no shops near by‘.

‘The nearby shops‘.

In US English nearby is standard.

Nevermind

According to About.com Homework/Study Tips  nevermind  is an old fashioned word.  It means attention or notice when used in a negative sense as in ‘pay no nevermind to that newspaper article’.  Not a usage I’ve ever come across before!

Never mind is standard and means please disregard or pay no attention to that, or don’t worry.

Except of course in the title of Nirvana’s classic 1991 album, ‘Nevermind’  but it’s so brilliant we’ll just overlook that it may be old fashioned or incorrect.

Onto or on to?

On to when on is an adverb (or if each word retains its meaning).

as in ‘he walked on to the next station’.

Onto as in ‘she stepped onto the stage.’

There’s also the slang version as in ‘I’ll get onto that right away’.

However, there are some schools of thought, including The Oxford Dictionary for Writers and Editors, that say it should always be two words. (aaaggghhh!)

Somebody

Somebody – some person. Example: “Could somebody please ask Elaine to shut up?” (Don’t you dare.)

Some body – an unspecified group of people such as an organisation or association.

Yeah, whatever.

Whatever when it’s used to mean anything at all, no matter what

What ever when you want to intensify a question. Example: ‘what ever did you mean by that?’

I like this tip from Daily Writing Tips

‘Choosing one word when you mean ‘anything’ and two words when you mean ‘what on earth’ is a good way to choose which form to use.’

Always one word

Everything

Everywhere

Someone

Somehow

Sometime

Somewhat

Somewhere

Always two words

A lot – never, ever alot!

All right – not alright.

Any more – well at least it is in UK English.  Americans and Australians use anymore as in “I can’t do this anymore” (so I’m going to do something else).  They use any more to mean more than as in “I can’t eat any more than three cup cakes in one go.” (Well, OK make that four).

Sources:

Penguin Concise Dictionary

Penguin ‘Usage and Abusage

The Oxford Dictionary for Writers and Editors

Daily Writing Tips

Wikipedia

About.com Homework/Study Tips

The Maverns’ Word of the Day

She’s re-launching her current company, Simply Seaweed, under a new name – Sanare Per Aquam.  It’s Latin for health through water or to heal through water.

Some people believe that Spa is an acronym of this Latin phrase and that it’s how the word entered the language. I decided to find out and was taken down a fascinating path that didn’t have much to do with spas, seaweed or water therapy.

According to Wikipedia, its derivation from sanare per aquam doesn’t appear before early this century and it is probably a “bacronym”.

‘Mmm all very interesting but what’s a bacronym?’ I thought to myself.

And here’s what I found. A bacronym is exactly what it sounds like – a reverse acronym.

An acronym of course is a word formed from the initials of a phrase and apparently there is no evidence of them before the 20^th Century.

Examples include:

Radar – radio detection and ranging

Laser – light amplification by the stimulated emission of radiation.

So a bacronym is constructed to make an existing word, such as spa, into an acronym. SOS is another example.

SOS was chosen as a distress signal because the Morse code is unmistakable and easy to transmit. Three dots, three dashes, and three dots.

SOS didn’t start out life as ’save our ship’ or ’save our souls’. Thanks to Cindy Shamel for that last example.

And that’s not all.  Bacronym is a portmanteau word – a word that’s formed by combining two words, in this case back and acronym.

According to Jonathan Gabby in his Copywriters’ Compendium, “Portmanteaus blend together shared characteristics of their component words.  Often they blend the initial sounds or syllables of one word with the last sounds or syllables of another.”

Guesstimate is an example. Other examples include the hideous but descriptive, webinar, and:

Advertorial - advertisement and editorial

Brunch – breakfast and lunch

Chortle – snort and chuckle – another example from the pen of Lewis Carroll.

The author, Lewis Carroll, popularised portmanteaus, and perhaps most famously of all in the poem ‘Jabberwocky‘ in ‘Alice through the Looking Glass’.

Here’s how Humpty Dumpty explains portmanteaus to Alice:

“‘Slithy’ means ‘lithe and slimy’… You see it’s like a portmanteau-there are two meanings packed up into one word”

“‘Mimsy’ is ‘flimsy and miserable’ (there’s another portmanteau … for you)”.

Bet you never thought of Humpty Dumpty as a wordsmith did you?

But back to spas and seaweed.  Wikipedia says that spa comes from the Belgian town of Spa.  Personally, I like the idea of it as a Roman acronym.

Viable
profitable
practicable
economic
capable of maintaining life
able to compete

Discrete
sensible
diplomatic
separate in form or concept
sympathetic
abstract

Advise
offer counsel to
tell
warn
give official notification
publish

Verbal
by word of mouth – as in verbal agreement, verbal warning
by written word
concerned with words
spelt out
long and wordy

Inordinate
unconfirmed
excessive
along the same lines
irregular – as in not regulated
rare

Exacerbate
simplify
free from blame
stimulate
aggravate
blunt

Optimise
hope for the best
make as great as possible
make at the lowest cost
compromise
use in the best possible way

Prevaricate
postpone
deliberately evade or deceive
substitute
undermine
suggest

Transpire
occur
hope for
follow logically
come about accidentally
become known gradually

Feasible
practicable
practical
probable
plausible
possible